Joint, separate or a bit of both? Combining finances as a couple

Joint or separate? There’s no one right way 

The short answer is that it’s up to you both. When Sorted surveyed more than 1000 New Zealanders:  

• 45% of people living with a partner said they combine all their finances. 
• 41% said they use a mix of combined and separate. 
• 14% said they keep their finances entirely separate. 

What matters more than the setup is that it works for both of you. At home we have all our income coming into a single place and split it between the two of us, giving those dollars all a job to do. Em handles expenses like feeding us all (including our furry family members), while I wrangle others. 

Whatever you decide, you’ll want to make the choice together, rather than letting things happen by default. 

Start with a money date, so you get talking first 

Most of us are already talking. Nearly eight in 10 people (79%) who live with a partner say they talk to them about money. 

I grew up in a household where talking about money was taboo, so if that’s you too, it can feel awkward at first. It helps to start small. Share a goal you’re working on, pick a relaxed moment and keep the conversation about ‘we’ rather than ‘you’. 

The earlier you have the money talk the better, and it’s worth coming back to it as life changes. Some find setting a ‘date night’ to check in on the finances (over a good meal helps), is worth doing. 

Opposites attract? Savers, spenders and everything in between 

No couple will have the same income usually, and it’s normal to have diverse attitudes to money, especially if you come from different financial backgrounds. So couples vary: 

• About 21% of partners are complete opposites, in a saver–spender relationship (one is a saver, one is a spender). 
• 38%  are more identical in style to each other, either two savers or two spenders. 
• The rest are on the continuum, somewhere in between. 

Different isn’t wrong! A saver can help keep long-term goals on track, while a spender can make sure you enjoy experiences along the way.  

To find out more about your own approach, and your partner’s, you can take Sorted’s money personality quiz together and compare notes. 

Should you tell your partner about your debt? 

Debt can be one of the harder topics to open up about, but it will have a big impact on what you can achieve as a couple. I didn’t mention to my partner how much debt I had taken on for years!  

Of those with debt:  

• 49% say their partner knows the exact amount of debt they have.  
• 35% say their partner knows roughly.  
• But 16% say their partner doesn’t know, or they aren’t sure. 

Hiding debt tends to create more stress down the track. Being honest about student loans, credit cards, buy now pay later or car loans means you can make a plan to tackle them together if you need to. Our debt calculator can help. 

Three ways to set up your finances

Over time, many couples may find themselves combining their finances more and more. As you’d expect, here are your three choices: 

• Entirely combined – Both incomes go into joint accounts, and all bills, saving and spending come from there. It’s the most transparent option and makes shared goals easier to track, but it needs a high level of trust and agreement on spending. 
• Partly combined – A joint account covers shared costs such as rent or the mortgage, power, groceries and saving for shared goals like a holiday. You each keep a personal account for your own spending. It’s worth agreeing whether you each put in an equal amount or a share based on what you earn. 
• Completely separate – You each manage your own money and split shared bills, a bit like flatmates. It offers the most independence, but working towards joint goals can take more effort, and it can feel uneven if one of you earns a lot more.  

One thing I see couples overlook is splitting costs proportionately, based on what each earns instead of just 50-50. If one half takes home $45,000 and the other $65,000, it would be fairer to split costs based on those incomes.  

1. $45,000 + $65,000 = $110,000 combined income 
2. $45,000 = 41% of $110,000 
3. $65,000 = 59% of $110,000 
4. Rounding that to an easy 40-60 split, a $1000 of bills would mean one person chips in $400 and the other $600. That could feel much fairer than splitting it $500 each, because it reflects their different earning levels and more what they can handle comfortably.   

Whichever you choose, a shared budget helps you see your combined costs, and a joint emergency fund gives you a buffer for life’s surprises. The best relationships have a dose of both autonomy and communication, so keep that in mind as you find your way.  

Set financial goals as a couple 

Only around a quarter of couples (24%) say their money goals are completely aligned, and more than a third say they’re minimally aligned or not aligned at all. 

Whether you’re dreaming of travel, buying a home or starting a family, it’s worth setting goals together and agreeing how you’ll get there.  

Our goal planner can help you put a dollar amount and timeframe on each one… which makes it that much easier to celebrate them. 

Relationship property: protecting what you own and owe 

Partnering up changes more than your bank accounts. Under New Zealand’s Property (Relationships) Act 1976, most property built up during a relationship of at least three years is generally shared equally if you separate, regardless of whose name or account it’s in. 

If one of you is bringing significant assets or debts into the marriage or partnership, you may want to consider getting independent legal advice. It’s also a good time to update your will and review your insurance. Our guide Relationships and growing money together has more on protecting what you own and owe. 

Where to from here? Your next steps managing money as a couple 

The best setup is the one that works for you both. Consider: 

• Booking a regular ‘money date’  
• Talking openly about what works best for you 
• Setting your goals together 
• Revisiting your setup as life changes.  

Being a couple brings opportunities to grow your wealth in all sorts of ways that you won’t have on your own, that’s for sure.