Looking after an ageing family member’s finances

How do you know when to get involved with a family member’s finances?

It can be hard to know when to step in – especially if your elderly family member proudly values their independence. Ideally, the best time to get involved is before there’s a crisis, while they’re still comfortable making decisions and sharing information. Legally, it's much simpler to put frameworks in place like enduring powers of attorney (EPAs, see below) when there are no concerns at all. 

For many families, the turning point is something small: an unpaid power bill, a confused phone call or a pile of unopened mail. These moments can signal a big shift. The good news is that getting involved earlier gives everyone more time to make decisions calmly. 

Beyond them asking for help outright, here are some important signs to look for: 

• Bills are being missed or accounts are overdrawn. 
• There’s confusion about money, passwords or what payments are for. 
• You’ve noticed unopened mail, unpaid rates or mounting debt. 
• They’ve been scammed (or you’re worried they’re at risk). 
• A health change means they’re no longer managing day-to-day tasks easily. 
• A big life change has happened or is coming up (a move, a serious diagnosis or bereavement). 

Once you’ve decided it’s time, start with a calm conversation about what help they want, then agree on a simple first step. 

Who should be involved in these financial decisions?

Helping with a parent or whānau member’s finances can be a big job, so don’t feel like you have to do it alone. The right people to be involved will depend on your family dynamics, your family member’s preferences and how complex the situation is. 

What matters is keeping things respectful, sharing the load if you can and making sure there’s a clear plan for who does what. 

If you're getting involved, you'll need to make sure that you have the legal right to step in, too. For example, you can sit beside your family member as they log in to their banking and help them set up payments, but anything more than that, such as obtaining their log-in details and doing their banking for them, requires setting up either a banking authority or an EPA.

What are your family member’s preferences, wishes and priorities?

Before you dive into the numbers, it can help to start with discussing what matters most to them: how they want to live, what they’re worried about and where they’d like your help. There are different ways they can approach things, depending on their preferences, goals and comfort level.  

You may find they are hesitant to spend because it feels irresponsible or they want to leave money for their children or grandchildren. If you feel this is at the expense of their own wellbeing, consider gently challenging this mindset and encouraging them to use their resources to support their own wellbeing. 

One way to support is to help them plan their retirement spending. Our retirement navigator can chart their future spending by gauging their preferences and guiding them towards one of the approaches to drawing down their retirement savings over time. 

This might also include considering options like releasing equity in their home, such as a reverse mortgage or home reversion product, which could let them access money from their house without selling it. You’ll find more about these in our retirement planning guide. 

Why is it important to communicate and document your moves?

When you start helping with someone else’s money, small misunderstandings can turn into big stress. Clear communication and keeping a simple record help protect your family member, protect you and keep the wider whānau on the same page. Keeping records is really important if in the future there is any question that funds were not handled properly, too. 

• Start with permission. Be clear about what they want help with (and what they don’t). 
• Agree on ‘who does what’. Write down key roles (eg, who pays bills, talks to the bank, keeps copies of key documents). 
• Keep family updates simple. A short message every month (or after big decisions) can prevent confusion and tension. 
• Use one place for notes. Keep a shared notebook or document with dates, decisions made and next steps. 
• Follow the money. Keep receipts and a basic log of payments you make on their behalf (date, amount and what it was for).
• Store key details safely. Keep account details, copies of ID and legal documents secure – and only share access with trusted people. 
• Protect privacy and independence. Share only what needs to be shared and involve your elderly family member in conversations wherever possible. 

Once you have agreed roles and expectations, the next step is making sure everyone understands what you can do informally and what will need legal authority. 

What legal documents do you need when getting involved?

It’s crucial to get your legal ducks in a row when getting involved in another person’s money. The two key elements are enduring powers of attorney and wills. 

Enduring powers of attorney 

An EPA is the main legal tool that lets you act for your family member if they lose mental capacity. There are two types: one for property (including money), the other for personal care and welfare. Both are recommended. In the event that your family member loses capacity, an EPA lets you deal with their affairs smoothly during a stressful time.

For financial EPAs you can include joint appointments, and consultation and information rights, so other members are included in the decision-making process. Decisions rest with whomever has the power of attorney though. 

If your family member seems hesitant, consider suggesting a reciprocal EPA (eg, spouses appointing each other). This can help to avoid any feeling of being judged or targeted. If you do this, you’ll also need to work with a lawyer to make sure a successor is identified in case the primary person is unable to act. 

Find out more in our guide on what an enduring power of attorney is and how to set one up.  

Wills 

A will sets out what your parent wants to happen after they die (who inherits, who is executor and any specific wishes). Wills create certainty – who the executor will be, who the beneficiaries are. They also save the time and costs of obtaining letters of administration when someone dies without a will (intestate). Some quick tips:

• Make sure there’s an up-to-date will.  
• Make sure it names an executor (the person who administers the estate).  
• Review it after big changes (bereavement, separation, new relationship, significant asset changes, moving into a retirement village, etc) or at least every 5–10 years. 

Find out more in our guide on how to make a will. 

How do you handle a family member’s bank accounts?

Start with a conversation about what help they want (and what they don’t). Ask their bank or service providers what authority or documents they require for you to act on their behalf – and keep everything transparent with your elderly family member and any other whānau involved. 

Get the basics in one place 

• A list of their bank accounts and which one their income is paid into 
• Regular bills and automatic payments (power, phone, insurance, rates, rent, village fees) 
• Income (NZ Superannuation, wages, dividends, board, allowances) – what comes in and when 
• Any debts: buy-now-pay-later, credit cards and what the repayments are 
• Important documents: ID, IRD number, account numbers, insurance policies and copies of their will and EPA details  
• A safe place for passwords and PINs (an online password manager can come in handy for this)  

If things feel messy, start by simplifying. That might mean closing unused accounts, switching bills to one payment method or setting up a dedicated ‘bills’ account so essentials are always covered. 

Ways to support (without taking over) 

• Start small: help them to review statements, sort mail or set up a monthly ‘money check-in’ together. 
• Set up automatic payments for essentials, so missed bills don’t become a crisis. 
• Use banking alerts (eg, low balance, large transfers) so you can spot problems early. 
• Agree on spending limits and a buffer amount that always stays in the account. 
• Use Sorted’s budget planner to plan their incomings and outgoings. 
• Ask the bank what support options they offer and what permission or legal authority is needed for you to act on their behalf. 

Whatever system you use, keep their money separate from yours and keep a simple record of anything you do for them (date, amount, what it was for). This helps to protect both them and you. 

Most importantly, try to put these systems in place early, while your family member can still guide the decisions. It’s usually much easier to tweak a plan over time than to rebuild everything during a health scare or urgent move.

What needs to happen during major life changes?

Major changes like moving home, changing living arrangements or needing higher levels of care often come with big financial decisions and tight timeframes. The earlier you understand the costs, contracts and support available, the easier it is to protect your family member’s wellbeing and avoid rushed decisions. 

Get in touch with Seniorline (a free service funded by Health NZ) for extra support. They can help you to find your way around the health system (including care options) and to access support services. 

Downsizing

Moving into a smaller home can free up cash and reduce ongoing costs, but it can also trigger one-off expenses (moving, repairs, legal fees) and emotional stress. Aim to map out the trade-offs before listing a property or committing to a new place. 

Moving into a retirement village 

Retirement villages can offer security and community, but the contracts and fee structures can be complex. Give yourself time to understand what you’re paying for now, what you might pay later and what money (if any) comes back to the estate. 

Here’s more on how retirement villages work and how to future-proof your retirement village choice. 

Entering aged residential care 

When a person needs aged residential care, decisions may need to happen quickly. Alongside choosing the right level of care, it’s important to understand how care is funded, what your family member will personally pay and how their assets and income will be assessed. Note that EPAs are required for someone to move into retirement care.

• Confirm who can act and make sure you have an EPA in place. 
• Ask for a clear fee breakdown.  
• Understand what happens to existing bills.  
• Make a plan for the home and car.  
• Track spending and keep records. 

There are different types of aged residential care, including rest homes, private hospitals and dementia facilities. Health NZ has more information on eligibility, needs assessment and the types of residential care available on their website. 

Depending on their assets and income, your family member may be eligible to receive a subsidy for their care. Here’s more from Work and Income on the Residential Care Subsidy. 

Whatever the transition, try to keep decisions transparent: involve your family member where possible and write down what was decided (and why).  

What financial steps should you take after an elderly family member dies?

After a passing, money tasks can pile up fast – right when you’re least able to deal with all the admin. Take things one step at a time and don’t be afraid to ask others for help. The aim is to protect the estate, keep essential bills under control and make sure you get the right people involved from the start.  

• Work out who is responsible. Check the will and confirm who the executor is (they’re the person with legal authority to deal with the estate). 
• Secure important documents. Gather identification documents, the will, bank details, insurance policies, rates information and a list of regular bills or subscriptions. 
• Get multiple copies of the death certificate. Organisations are likely to ask for it. 
• Tell the bank early. Check what will happen to accounts and automatic payments, and what information they need from the executor. 
• Pause or tidy up payments. Cancel non-essential subscriptions and make a plan for essentials (rent/mortgage, power, insurance, rates). 
• Contact insurers. Let them know about the death and check cover continues where needed (eg, house and contents). 
• Keep a simple record. Note who you spoke to, dates, reference numbers and keep receipts for any costs paid on behalf of the estate. 
• Watch for scams. After a death, scams can increase. Don’t rush into payments or share personal details unless you’ve verified who you’re dealing with. 
• Check government and tax steps. Notify Inland Revenue and Work and Income so they can address next steps around entitlements, debts or final returns. 
• Get support if it’s complicated. A lawyer can help with probate, administration and estate distribution, and a financial mentor can help you build a practical plan for the next few months. 

Where to go for support

Support can save time and stress — here are good starting points: 

• MoneyTalks: free, confidential financial mentoring (0800 345 123) 
• Age Concern: information and support services for over 65s and whānau 
• Seniorline: a national information service that helps you find your way around the health system and access support services 
• Legal: a lawyer, Community Law or Citizens Advice Bureau (wills, EPAs, village contracts, estates) 
• Work and Income (NZ Super) 
• Inland Revenue (tax/estates) 
• Your family member’s bank(s) for authority and support options.